I haven’t blogged in a few weeks. I’ve been here and there, and everywhere in between! Life has been treating me good and I’ve just been keeping to myself. I feel inspired to write a post today on support. The support that is necessary in achieving success. I am wondering how dependent others are on a support system in meeting their goals. Do you get a pat on the back for a job well done? Are you continually praised and encouraged by those that surround you? Or is this a weak link in your journey? Let me take a minute to let you know how important it is to provide support to someone who is producing an effort to make positive changes. YOUR WORDS MEAN MORE THAN YOU REALIZE. A simple “you are working hard, keep it up” or “Whatever you are doing, keep doing it; it’s making a difference.” It may not seem like much to you; yet it provides fuel for the goal setter to continually strive for their goal. Maybe you get quite the opposite, and find instead of support, you get criticized. Yikes, that’s a kick in the gut. Think about that for a minute…Struggling, fighting old habits/ways, battling the negative behaviors, all that hard work and dedication…and then hearing negative comments. Like I said earlier, YOUR WORDS MEAN MORE THAN YOU REALIZE. You see, this recently happened to me. I’ve been on my journey for 3 years now, never strayed off the path. Have kept my eyes on the prize since Day 1. I refuse to sink….
I will not give up for what I want. It hurt to think someone couldn’t appreciate that after all I’ve done, been through. Perhaps they are unaware of the personal battles I’ve had to face. Here’s my reality: I was close to 300 lbs when I started, it hurt to move in an aerobic fashion. Running? haha, no. Walking was enough to tire me out. I was so heavy, I couldn’t do much; I just knew I had to move more than I was. Playing and keeping up with my kids was a huge struggle. If I actually sat on the floor, getting up was hard and my body ached from sitting without support. I didn’t do things with my kids for fear of not being good enough. After being told by two doctors that I needed gastric bypass to lose the weight, a piece of me died. I was horrified and vowed to change and do it the hard way, the only way. I convinced my husband to buy me an elliptical. I had to buy a really pricey one cause it had a higher weight limit. I still exceed the weight limit but never told him. I needed to have something. After small weight loss success, I convinced him I needed a gym membership. I promised to go to the gym after I put the kids to bed. I had to drag my fat ass out at 8 or 8:30pm to exercise after teaching all day. I hated this, leaving my cozy home and my family, but I had goals to meet. I feared people looking at me in the gym, like I didn’t belong there. I felt this every single day I walked through the door. I began to lose more weight and hired a personal trainer. I felt like I was being judged the whole time. Everything I was asked to do was so hard, I fought tears. After losing more weight, I wanted to run. I began to enter races. I feared I would be the last in every single race. Guess what? I Still do. I joined a boot camp for women. I loved it. It was hard but I fought harder. Many days I sat in my car and cried my eyes out after camp. I cried cause it was impossibly hard for me. Eventually, those tears were shed not because I couldn’t do the exercises, but because I did do them.
I found this to be my home. I cancelled my gym membership for boot camp. Boot camp…I drag my ass out of bed 4 days a week for the past 2 years at 5am. I only have skipped days for illness, one day for my alarm. I have never skipped one day because I simply didn’t feel like it or cause my bed was warm and I felt lazy. Never once. I AM DEDICATED. I accomplished 13 freaking races in 2013. Two of them were hard core mud obstacle races and a 10k. I don’t enter these races to win. They are for me. I love the personal challenge I place in front of myself. The thing is, I still fight battles that some people will never understand or comprehend. I find it hard to shop in regular stores vs. plus size stores. I feel like I don’t belong there. I still see people eating foods I miss like pizzas, pastas, chips and I feel jealous. I want it but fight it cause it is no longer for me. These are my “things”…MY life and I will not accept someone belittling all I have accomplished. This is MY life and if you cannot appreciate it, you can find your way out of it. I only need support from people that love, encourage, and respect me and all that I have been through and continue to go through.
To my supporters: I love you. Your words of love, praise, and respect touch my heart. I may sometimes scoff and brush it off (I get embarrassed) but it means everything to me. It has been your support that has gotten me this far. Thank you xoxo
To my critics, finger pointers: I feel sad for you. You cannot comprehend what it has been like for me. Perhaps after reading this, you feel differently, maybe not, it doesn’t matter to me. Your heart is ugly and you need more help than I do. Look inside yourself and see what is making you so mean and address it before you lose all you love.