Acceptance

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I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week.  From the drama of the scale post last week and my magazine publication this week (yes, I said magazine publication), I really have had quite the emotions racing though my head and my heart.

I live a VERY blessed life and have friends in many places.  I will be getting some guidance and advice on the weight loss plateau from some friends.  They have asked that I journal my foods for the next couple weeks in order for them to get a good idea of my life/eating and what seems to be my issues/trends.  I find this to be rather easy considering I was calorie counting for so long, this is not an issue.  Off the top of my head, I have my predictions of some routes they may ask me to go down. I am thinking perhaps they may mention to cut the dairy or grains, to see what happens.  I am curious to how my journal will be interpreted.  I will say one thing…the coffee has got to go.  I know this is soooo not good for me.  I gave it up before and it was not even an issue.  I had caffeine withdrawals for 3 days, then I was in the clear.  The issue isn’t so much the coffee as it is what I put in it.  Yeah, the Coffeemate liquid junk?  Yup, that’s the stuff.  So today was day one of my coffee strike.  I’m just beating them to the punch, there is no way that was going to fly.

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Back to the magazine publication.  My state, Rhode Island, is starting a fitness magazine.  They were asking on FB for weight loss success stories to be submitted.  I applied back in December, maybe November.  Well, the premiere issue of RI FIT Magazine was released this week.  Included was a full page spread of my weight loss success story.  I was excited to see it!! I was told that I could see it online before it hit the shelves.  I hurried to find it online…my excitement soon turned to utter humiliation.  The article featured my starting weight AND my current weight!!! OH. MY. GOD.  Holy crap.  After all my moaning and groaning about that freaking scale last week, now this?!?! Clearly a lesson is to be learned here in these events.  Friends on FB were congratulating me and so forth, while I was dying.  Even my husband does not know my weight, now it’s public knowledge? ((sigh)) Tough pill to swallow.  I guess I fail to look at this from another’s point of view.  Other’s are saying “you have come such a long way”  “I had no idea your Doctor recommended gastric bypass”  “you will inspire so many”.  All I saw was the freaking numbers.  All I saw was how if someone else weighed what I weigh, they would be losing their ever loving mind, calling themselves fat.  I am not fat.  Yeah, I weigh around 200 pounds and I AM NOT FAT.  I hate that someone would say that, I really do.  Sure, I have some fat, but that’s not what I am.  I had this incredible revelation on my way to work one morning.  What the F do I care?  I mean, really?  What the hell do I care what someone thinks of me and my weight?  You know what?  I don’t.  I have simply decided to not give a shit.

Here are the facts:  I am healthy.  

I can run a 5k in 30:30.

 I can out run most of my friends/family. (not my boot camp peeps! 😉

I did this on my own.  I didn’t rely on pills, programs, shakes, etc.  ON MY OWN!

I am committed, determined, and will kick the ass of anyone that says otherwise.  

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Yeah, so I like this new found thinking.  So, this is it.  My new attitude in the spirit of self-love.  I do love what I have become, all I have worked for, I refuse to be ashamed.  How can I be ashamed?  Look at all I have done.  This girl will carry this heavy bod over the half-marathon finish line in August whether I lose more weight or not.  That is my goal and I will get it 🙂

As February came to a close, I did not even come close to my running goals for the month.  We were bombarded with snow, snow, and more snow.  UGH.  I am really hoping March is kinder and we begin getting some relief.  I managed to squeeze in 4 miles this morning along the beach coast.  It normally is quite pretty, today looked gray and dismal.  Spring, where are you?  xoxo

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9 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. Your pictures of the coast still look pretty, just in a grey-ish way! Congratulations on the article! I really hope it can help you to see you the way others do. I know how hard it is to let go of that self-criticism, but I think stating the facts about things is a good way to start combatting those thoughts!

    • Thank you! I will be posting insanely gorgeous pics of the beach soon enough 😉 And thank you for your comment on the article. I am trying hard to see me the way others do. Everyone seems genuinely impressed and not overly shocked by the posting of the weight. I’m learning to stop being so critical of myself; I deserve better 🙂

  2. Girlie, I do not know you but I am so proud of you! This is awesome! And as you mentioned you did this on your own and no one can take that away from you! I’m so glad I found your blog through the I’m Fit Possible FB page!

  3. Emily, YOU LOOK AND ARE AMAZING. Repeat after me. Seriously daily affirmations like that feel silly at first, but then become ingrained into your brain, so your words become truths, and those two should be truths for you! You have come so far and ARE healthy. be kind to you AND your body, a number doesn’t define you and shouldn’t. I don’t own a scale, a number does not dictate my self worth or happiness. I hate even having to step on one,because like you said, those numbers are enough to bring you down, so don’t give them that power! I love your mindset shift after this post, such a better perspective to have ❤

    • Thank you, Amber! That touched my heart. I am learning that there are more important things to focus on. Just was thinking back on my first 5K the other day. I was a 14/15min/mile. I can now run a 9/10min/mile…that is HUGE! I have come too far to be upset. Thanks again! ❤

      • Of course Emily, I mean it. Sometimes we get too caught up in the numbers, and the physical aspect of it. Strength and fitness is not ALWAYS visible or seen! That’s awesome and such a great improvement, remember how far you’ve come ❤

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