My Scary Things


There are many things I find to be scary; downright terrifying.  Of those scary things, there are some I simply put my big girl pants on and face.  For example, the idea of participating in a mud/obstacle course race.  Working my butt off to go from fat to fit girl gave me the idea that I could do one of these races.  So last year I did my first Warrior Dash! Shortly followed by the Bold R Dash.  Both were very different; extremely challenging.

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October 2013 I also took another jump and signed up for my first 10K; My longest race distance yet.  I was scared out of my mind, yet couldn’t wait to conquer my fear.  This year I’m focusing my fears on completing my first half-marathon.  I think about this logically and wonder how I’m going to do it.  It is over double the distance of the 10K and I will not have a clue about the course, no one does~ It’s a brandy new race to RI.  The Narragansett Bay Half Marathon is replacing the Rock n’ Roll 1/2 that used to be in Providence.  I’m funny like this.  I like this feeling of being scared, this feeling leading up to the big day.  I have a countdown app on my phone and everyday I look at how many days I have to train and prep for the race.  I see the number dwindling down and get butterflies in my stomach.  It’s a good scary thing…races.  I just love it.


Now onto somethings that are scary that I hate.  Let’s discuss the scale.  Oh Em Gee!!! I cannot handle it. I really hate the scale.  I want to break it for upsetting me, for letting me down, for lying to me, and most of all, making me feel like I’m not trying.  You will rarely meet someone (at my weight) more dedication to exercise than me.  I make it happen.  Every.  Freaking.  Day.  That scale is telling me otherwise and I hate it for what it does to me.  Every time I step on it it gives me the number I don’t want to see.  For about 1 minute after I weigh in, I feel upset and depressed.  That is it.  I allow myself 1 measly minute, then I move on.  That stupid ass scale will not get more then 1 minute of my day.  I remember the days I loved that same scale.  Those were the days I weighed in every morning.  Each morning I either stayed the same or went down.  In the grand scheme of things, it always was moving down, down, down.  Then one day my daughter, Hope, got on the scale and asked if she was skinny.  A piece of me died.  Was she watching my borderline obsessive weigh-ins?  I was scared.  I took that stupid scale and moved it to the basement.  I didn’t want her to have access to it, and in turn made my daily access to it more difficult.  I wanted to stop daily weigh-ins but wasn’t sure how.  That was a turning point for me.  It was scary to think my 6 year old was beginning to question her body image.

Another little thing that is terrifying is the break I am taking in my obsessive calorie counting.  I know the calorie count in every single food I eat, so why the heck am I so determined to log it?  Well, for one thing, it certainly IS NOT helping me lose weight.  I’ve been at the same flipping plateau for months.  I need to take a break from it.  It’s mentally consuming and that is not a burden I care to encourage.  A couple weeks ago I had blogged that a personal trainer friend had given me a calculation to figure out what I needed to do to break my plateau.  I have done the suggestion to add more calories based on my goal weight and my activity level.  The compliments are beginning to happen! I also feel like inches are slowly shedding off.  I don’t know about the weight, my scale battery died and I’m not replacing it.  I am feeling good.  I am feeling healthy.  I am feeling empowered that I am finally getting to where I want to be and that is simply fabulous.


My February goals of self-love is posted on another blog! As an ambassador for I’m FitPossible,I write a blog post for the website each month.  Go check it out!!

This weeks running/boot camp calorie burn~

Sunday: Ran 2.1 miles/408 cal

Monday: REST DAY

Tuesday: Cardio Day @ Boot Camp/696 cal

Wednesday: Treadmill Ran 4 miles/529 cal

Thursday: Core Day @ Boot Camp/503 cal

Friday: Total Body @ Boot Camp/600 cal

Saturday: 3 mile run/530 cal


GOAL: 55



9 thoughts on “My Scary Things

  1. i, too, am obsessed with the scale, but i’m getting better! i try to remind myself that it’s more about how i feel and about the inches to lose rather than the weight i want to see. but it’s really hard sometimes. congrats on being strong enough to put it in the basement and not change the battery!

  2. I do not own a scale. i spent a lot of years weighing myself a lot. several times a day. I am trying to lose but am working on diet and great healthy choices that fuel me to run! Keep at it!!

    • There was many many years I did not own a scale. With not having one, I ended up reaching my highest weight ever. I was in huge amounts of denial of how bad it was. I know I’d never get to the point now, so its all good 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement!

  3. I have a scale at my office. It’s a remnant of the days when coworkers decided to do a Biggest Loser type challenge. I used to get on it once a week. Now I do it once a month. Taking my measurements is more accurate is following my progress. I also take progress pictures ( which I do not share ). I stopped the calorie counting because I too felt it really was not helping anymore. I started it as a way to hold myself accountable for what I ate. I don’t think I need it anymore. The truth will be in a month when I weigh myself again. Keep up the good work. And, bury that scale! You can do this!

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